Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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