Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
