Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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