Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I supernannyed him into submission
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
