i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
