There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
