He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
