I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
