Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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