Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
