Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
