You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
