Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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