I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
