Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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