Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
