Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
