you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I love black thongs
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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