My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
