This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
