I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
