just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
