ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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