Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Randomize
