The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
