Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
