peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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