Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I party with great urgency now.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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