So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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