why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
