; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
