my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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