Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
