Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Randomize
