She said her name was "party"
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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