you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
