Swine flu. Run for my life!
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
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