U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
