i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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