i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
