I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
