You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
