I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
