JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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