garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
