You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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