I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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