my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
