my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
