Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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